Day 33 - Big girls don't cry...

So...where to begin....

I've had a traumatic past two days. I think that hospitals should hold a class to prepare mothers for what I just went through.

Allie has been having trouble sleeping...obviously...from my last two posts. Last night, Brad and I decided that we will just put her down and let her "cry it out." We'd let her go for 15 minutes to see how it would go and then decide from there on what to do. We've been working on getting full feedings and then wake times...we haven't spent any time on her self soothing or going to sleep on her own...and then not picking her up when she cries...and by we...I mean my mom and me!

So, last night, Allie starts crying...then wailing...then SCREAMING....I looked at Brad and he said, "15 minutes," and I looked at the clock...only 3 minutes had gone by. How am I going to make it through 15 minutes? I was determined that I was going to endure this...I am a strong woman...I can do this..............................

............I lasted 13 minutes and then I had to go and pick her up. She was sweaty, out of breath and just pitiful...I couldn't stand it. It broke my heart.

I had to call in some reassurance, so I called Holly - expert mother with her second born in August. I asked her how long should I let her cry...she asked, "How long did you let her cry?" She laughed at my measly 15 minutes...(I rounded up!) After she told me that how long she let Natalie cry the first few weeks, I felt reassured that I wasn't going to suffocate my daughter by letting her cry.

I still rocked her to sleep that night and picked her up when she cried...This is something that you have to mentally prepare yourself for...

This morning, my mom got up and knocked on my door - "Time to feed Allie!" As I was explaining the events of last night, she went on to tell me that Allie had fallen asleep on her own earlier in her Pack and Play. After her feeding, my mom and I had a rigorous wake time with Allie - we played on the gym, we sat in the Boppy, we sang, we played our hearts out. Then we stuck her in her crib, she cried for about 5 minutes and fell asleep. SUCCESS!!! We DID it!!!

30 minutes later, she woke up crying. Of course, I had to go pick her up. I'm just not that strong apparently! We both fell asleep in my bedroom eventually and my mom came in and took her so I could catch up on my sleep.

I was going to do this...I was going to make myself.

At her evening feeding tonight, I made sure she had a super full feeding. We kept her up and then she had her nightly bath. Brad and my mom put her down in her crib and she went right to sleep. Apparently, she had fallen asleep while taking a bath. My mom was so happy and so was I!!!

Just as Brad and I settled in to watch a movie...she started to cry. Brad had to restrain me...but I let her cry. 15 minutes elapsed and she was still crying. I went in to "check" on her - check her diaper and pick her up for a few seconds (just to tell her it was okay and it was for her own good) laid her back down and shut the door. 10 minutes later, she had cried herself to sleep.

She woke up a few more times, but kept crying herself back to sleep...and STAYED asleep!!!

I'm not calling this a victory yet...but it is a battle won in this scheduling WAR!!!

Letting your her cry is one of the HARDEST things I've ever had to do...it breaks my heart, but I know in the long run, it will be best for her and me. But like I said...they should have a class to prepare you for it...

I couldn't help but snap this picture below as we were trying to keep Allie awake during her wake time...it was kinda funny!!